My Journey: Trying To Conceive

I think that hindsight is one of our greatest gifts. I discovered this on the year long journey I faced trying to conceive a child.

As a healthy woman I had no doubt that I would fall pregnant straight away. I knew my cycles really well and I felt pretty good so I really didn’t consider that there could be any problems. After a few months  however, I began to get frustrated (and impatient) so I made an appointment to see a holistic doctor – the only problem being that he had a 3 month waiting list!

Here was my first challenge: waiting. I can’t stand it. But of course there was no use in fighting things beyond my control so I took some of my own advice and found acceptance. After meeting with the doctor and having some routine blood tests I discovered that I wasn’t as healthy as I first thought I was. I had major deficiencies in iron, vitamin B, magnesium, vitamin D, zinc and had cholesterol levels so LOW that it was effecting my hormones and my body’s ability to produce essential minerals. This was heavy. Then on top of all of this we discovered that I also had a digestive parasite (which was the cause of my low iron).

This was not all bad. It was not a diagnosis of a chronic or terminal illness or some sort of hereditary or genetic disorder beyond my control. All of these things could be corrected and repaired. Even though I knew this, my reaction was as if I had received a tragic diagnosis. Here was my next challenge: negative thoughts. I struggled with despair and self-hatred before reaching the point where I felt ready to tackle the issue.

Soon after I was hit hard with my next challenge: money. And not just about actually finding the finances to buy all the supplements/food/products I needed but the underlying issue of not believing that I was worthy of having this money spent on me. This had been a recurring issue of mine and it was finally being presented to me in a way that I could not ignore. So I desperately wanted health (in general but also for the greater purpose of having a child) but I felt constantly guilty about the money I was “wasting” on getting there.

This was a long and painful lesson. Getting rid of the parasite involved a 3 month herbal cleanse that had several unpleasant symptoms. Some days I was in so much pain that I was not able to do anything at all. I started to feel sorry for myself and think that my situation would never improve. I’m sure you can imagine what thinking like this achieved!

When your “in the middle” of a journey or transformation it can be difficult to see end in sight. This is where, in hindsight I can see that it was all worth it and that it didn’t drag on for as long as I thought it did. This is where an outsiders perspective can really help. For me it was my doctor – who also does cranio sacral healing. We worked through my issues around worthlessness and he helped me to face my fears head on. He explained how we need to take a spiritual/emotional approach to physical symptoms in order to heal them fully and prevent their return. I agree with this completely! And I must admit that worthlessness related to spending money on myself had been an ongoing issue for me.

He asked me about the sort of headspace I would like to be in when I have a child and worthlessness did not enter into it – I had to deal with this first! In order to experience the extent of my worthlessness I had to face the reality that I might not be able to conceive a child. I allowed myself to release the associated grief, frustration, self-blame and pain. I retreated while I went on my healing journey. It took me a few weeks but I emerged refreshed and connected with all that gave me meaning and purpose – whether or not my future involved being a mother.

I had found peace which allowed me to transcend the “problem” of not being able to fall pregnant and just enjoy being exactly where I was in that moment. This really took the pressure off! Instead of seeing this as a “problem” I recognised it for the gift that it was.

It probably doesn’t come as a surprise to discover that I fell pregnant within a month after this!

Moral of the story: We always attract situations that are perfect for us to learn what we need to learn.



Have you ever wondered why you attract certain people into your life? Or perhaps why the behaviour of another has a certain affect on you?

I would like to introduce the concept of reflections (also known as projection). It is very simple. Imagine that everyone in your life – even those with whom your encounters are only brief – as a mirror, reflecting back to you the same energy that you contain within yourself. Knowing this allows you to approach everyone with openness, compassion and love rather than allowing them to have a negative impact on you.

Feel some resistance to this idea? Hear yourself saying “but I could never be as selfish/insecure/rude/aggressive/etc as him”? This is your ego talking. Your ego will constantly compare you to others and tell you why you are better than they are if you let it run the show.

So, let’s stand back from it all for a moment… Can we agree that all humans are equally  deserving of love, compassion and respect? Even though we are all at different points on our journey, no-one is “better” or more deserving than another. So… in essence we are equal, we are all challenged by our imperfections and are therefore sensitive to the imperfections of others.

By seeing the people in our lives simply as beautiful reflections of ourselves we have so much to learn and gain. But what if you don’t like or understand the reflection? Try running through the following steps:

  • Ask yourself “What feelings does this person’s behaviour stir up in me?” & “What is this teaching me about my values/boundaries/expectations?”. You may identify some unresolved issues within yourself that you would not have uncovered otherwise.
  • Ask yourself how you might display this behaviour. Look into your past or to times when your demons have surfaced. If you can’t find it within you, imagine the circumstances that would be required in order for you to behave this way. Once you find compassion for the part of you that is capable of this behaviour then you can also find compassion for person displaying the behaviour.
  • Finally ask yourself what you can learn from this situation and what you can be grateful for. Finding some appreciation for the person or situation will shift your mood and let go of unhelpful energies.


Find more tool and techniques in my posts about the shadow side.

Instant Gratification

Sometimes I need a little reminder that I am a powerful creator…

A few days ago my husband and I went to our favourite organic restaurant. Our meals were delicious and filling so we had no space left for dessert however the raw cakes at this place are irresistible. We decided to get some to take away. The next day we had our cakes for morning tea and I was commenting on how amazing the cake texture was. In fact I spent the entire time talking about how I wanted to learn how to make raw sweets like this and trying to guess what the ingredients were.

Later that day, no more than 4 hours after I had become a little obsessive about the cakes, I sat down and had a look at facebook. I couldn’t believe it, someone had posted a link to raw dessert classes happening next weekend. I clicked on the link only to discover that the workshop is run by none other than the chef from the restaurant we got the cakes from! AND the recipes would be for the exact cakes that I wanted to learn about.

Coincidence? I don’t believe in coincidences!

It can be easy to forget that we create our experience. Wonderful gems like this remind us just how powerful we can be and act as a supportive prompt to focus on the positive.

New Blog!

Here it is! The New Heights Wellbeing blog is now up and running.

I’ve been busy working on the website which is not yet ready but thankfully there’s nothing stopping the blog getting underway. I plan to use this blog as a way to share insights, stories and ideas and I look forward to your comments and contributions.

If you’d like to stay updated on facebook or twitter, please click on the links below:



My next post will be about a recent synchronicity that was reassuringly wonderful.