My Journey: Trying To Conceive

I think that hindsight is one of our greatest gifts. I discovered this on the year long journey I faced trying to conceive a child.

As a healthy woman I had no doubt that I would fall pregnant straight away. I knew my cycles really well and I felt pretty good so I really didn’t consider that there could be any problems. After a few months  however, I began to get frustrated (and impatient) so I made an appointment to see a holistic doctor – the only problem being that he had a 3 month waiting list!

Here was my first challenge: waiting. I can’t stand it. But of course there was no use in fighting things beyond my control so I took some of my own advice and found acceptance. After meeting with the doctor and having some routine blood tests I discovered that I wasn’t as healthy as I first thought I was. I had major deficiencies in iron, vitamin B, magnesium, vitamin D, zinc and had cholesterol levels so LOW that it was effecting my hormones and my body’s ability to produce essential minerals. This was heavy. Then on top of all of this we discovered that I also had a digestive parasite (which was the cause of my low iron).

This was not all bad. It was not a diagnosis of a chronic or terminal illness or some sort of hereditary or genetic disorder beyond my control. All of these things could be corrected and repaired. Even though I knew this, my reaction was as if I had received a tragic diagnosis. Here was my next challenge: negative thoughts. I struggled with despair and self-hatred before reaching the point where I felt ready to tackle the issue.

Soon after I was hit hard with my next challenge: money. And not just about actually finding the finances to buy all the supplements/food/products I needed but the underlying issue of not believing that I was worthy of having this money spent on me. This had been a recurring issue of mine and it was finally being presented to me in a way that I could not ignore. So I desperately wanted health (in general but also for the greater purpose of having a child) but I felt constantly guilty about the money I was “wasting” on getting there.

This was a long and painful lesson. Getting rid of the parasite involved a 3 month herbal cleanse that had several unpleasant symptoms. Some days I was in so much pain that I was not able to do anything at all. I started to feel sorry for myself and think that my situation would never improve. I’m sure you can imagine what thinking like this achieved!

When your “in the middle” of a journey or transformation it can be difficult to see end in sight. This is where, in hindsight I can see that it was all worth it and that it didn’t drag on for as long as I thought it did. This is where an outsiders perspective can really help. For me it was my doctor – who also does cranio sacral healing. We worked through my issues around worthlessness and he helped me to face my fears head on. He explained how we need to take a spiritual/emotional approach to physical symptoms in order to heal them fully and prevent their return. I agree with this completely! And I must admit that worthlessness related to spending money on myself had been an ongoing issue for me.

He asked me about the sort of headspace I would like to be in when I have a child and worthlessness did not enter into it – I had to deal with this first! In order to experience the extent of my worthlessness I had to face the reality that I might not be able to conceive a child. I allowed myself to release the associated grief, frustration, self-blame and pain. I retreated while I went on my healing journey. It took me a few weeks but I emerged refreshed and connected with all that gave me meaning and purpose – whether or not my future involved being a mother.

I had found peace which allowed me to transcend the “problem” of not being able to fall pregnant and just enjoy being exactly where I was in that moment. This really took the pressure off! Instead of seeing this as a “problem” I recognised it for the gift that it was.

It probably doesn’t come as a surprise to discover that I fell pregnant within a month after this!

Moral of the story: We always attract situations that are perfect for us to learn what we need to learn.



Have you ever wondered why you attract certain people into your life? Or perhaps why the behaviour of another has a certain affect on you?

I would like to introduce the concept of reflections (also known as projection). It is very simple. Imagine that everyone in your life – even those with whom your encounters are only brief – as a mirror, reflecting back to you the same energy that you contain within yourself. Knowing this allows you to approach everyone with openness, compassion and love rather than allowing them to have a negative impact on you.

Feel some resistance to this idea? Hear yourself saying “but I could never be as selfish/insecure/rude/aggressive/etc as him”? This is your ego talking. Your ego will constantly compare you to others and tell you why you are better than they are if you let it run the show.

So, let’s stand back from it all for a moment… Can we agree that all humans are equally  deserving of love, compassion and respect? Even though we are all at different points on our journey, no-one is “better” or more deserving than another. So… in essence we are equal, we are all challenged by our imperfections and are therefore sensitive to the imperfections of others.

By seeing the people in our lives simply as beautiful reflections of ourselves we have so much to learn and gain. But what if you don’t like or understand the reflection? Try running through the following steps:

  • Ask yourself “What feelings does this person’s behaviour stir up in me?” & “What is this teaching me about my values/boundaries/expectations?”. You may identify some unresolved issues within yourself that you would not have uncovered otherwise.
  • Ask yourself how you might display this behaviour. Look into your past or to times when your demons have surfaced. If you can’t find it within you, imagine the circumstances that would be required in order for you to behave this way. Once you find compassion for the part of you that is capable of this behaviour then you can also find compassion for person displaying the behaviour.
  • Finally ask yourself what you can learn from this situation and what you can be grateful for. Finding some appreciation for the person or situation will shift your mood and let go of unhelpful energies.


Find more tool and techniques in my posts about the shadow side.

The Shadow Side Pt 1

The Shadow Side concept is something that I use with both counselling and healing clients. Here’s a short excerpt from my book explaining the shadow side:

As we grow from children into adults we observe the behaviours of the people around us and decide on the person that we want to be. In doing so we also decide on what we do NOT want to be. For example, I may choose that I want to be accepting of others and that I most certainly DON’T want to be aggressive or angry. As a result, the part of me that is capable of being aggressive and angry is denied, disowned and locked away.

An easy way to determine aspects of your personality that you have disowned is to observe your judgements of others and your emotional reactions. If you find yourself becoming frustrated by the impatience of others then it’s likely you have denied your own impatience. If you feel outraged by stories of injustice then perhaps you have denied the part of you that is capable of injustice. If you commonly find yourself thinking or talking about your dissatisfaction with others, then you can guarantee that your shadow side aspects have been long denied and you can expect this to be reflected in your dreams as well as your waking experience.

Shadow side aspects of yourself will crop up again and again in your life in an effort to find acceptance and compassion however our normal response is to push them further away. This will only perpetuate the issue and give more power to things in your life that you cannot control.

There are two kinds of disowned selves. The kind that is an active part of your personality that you’re ashamed of and the kind that is completely hidden away that you believe is not a part of you at all. Let’s look at each in more detail.

Here’s an example where the disowned behaviour is active:

A woman who has a tendency to get frustrated and angry feels ashamed and embarrassed whenever she snaps at her partner yet when she observes her partner getting frustrated she becomes instantly intolerant and tells him that his behaviour is unacceptable.

Problem: She cannot tolerate her partner’s aggressive behaviour.

Question to ask herself: How do I also display this (aggressive) behaviour? The answer should be obvious to her.

Solution: Foster a more nurturing relationship with the angry and frustrated part of herself. (more ideas on how to do this in Pt 2 of this post)

And an example of a hidden disowned self:

A woman harshly judges people who eats unhealthy food. She is very strict about her own diet and feels uncomfortable when others consume junk food near her. 

Problem: She cannot tolerate the dietary choices of other people.

Question to ask herself: How do I also display this (unhealthy) behaviour? She may not have an unhealthy diet but may be able to identify another area of her life where she is capable of being unhealthy, for example, over working.

Solution: Foster a more nurturing relationship with the unhealthy part of herself. (more ideas on how to do this in Pt 2 of this post)

Continued in Part 2

Transform your negative attitude towards your job

I gave some advice to a friend recently who was struggling with some co-worker’s unhelpful behaviour as well as generally feeling dissatisfied with her work. She is actively looking for alternative employment but I offered her the below techniques to assist her in the meantime so that she is able to feel more positively about her current situation.

If you find your workplace emotionally draining or if you would like to improve your attitude towards your job and co-workers, give these quick strategies a go.

1) Take a moment to sit quietly.

Visualise your route to work filled with love and peace, however that may appear for you. (white light, rose mist etc, no people around etc)

Take a few moments to fill every place along your journey to work with this beautiful energy.

Then see your workplace and all the people within it and surround them all with the same peaceful love.

Take some deep breaths and see this pure light healing all the staff including yourself until only love remains.

(You can do this anytime. It will assist you to experience more positive thoughts and feelings around your workplace)

2) Ask yourself, “what sort of employee do I really want to be?”.

Make a list of the qualities you would like to embody at work.

Recognise that you will find more happiness by behaving in line with these values than you will by blaming others for their unhelpful behaviour.

Make it your goal to be the person you want to be without the need for approval. 

3) Think of someone that you admire and respect (a real life person you know, a celebrity/personality, a fictional character etc), preferably someone who possesses some of the qualities you listed above.

Now, whenever you are challenged or frustrated at work as yourself “What would that person do in this situation?” “How would they feel/react?”.

See what you can learn about operating at your best from this person or character. Change your behaviour to be more like them.